Posted by: nicanthiel | September 8, 2009

Expectations

Boar, Birch and Bog…

The book is coming out shortly after I return to Nerthus’ service from my sojourn at the Brú with Óengus. And the test copy is sitting here as I look at it, and for some reason, it’s not as fulfilling as I thought it would be. Sure, I am now A Pagan Author(TM), and have a number of writing projects lined up for the foreseeable future, but I sit here and look at this book, and I know what I put into it.

And it doesn’t feel like enough. Especially in this downtime when Herself is withdrawing from the world, going somewhere I can’t follow. She is making the Descent, going through the worlds of the dead, giving and receiving power in the dark as She has done in the light. And I can’t follow. I am stuck here, in the cycles of ever-burgeoning Life, and I need to find a way to compost the excess.

I’ve been feeling the lack of Presence very strongly these past few weeks, particularly in the last day or so, and there is still three months to endure through.

So, the expectations I had for all of this have rather fallen flat, as has my inclination toward and connection with spiritual matters. They are dying with the leaves, and it is a horrible feeling…

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Responses

  1. -hugs-

    Welcome to the world of what I like to call Vanic Fall Suckage (TM).

    While there are some Vanic Heathens who feel the Vanir disappear during winter, I find it personally hardest to connect with my Gods during the fall season. The winter, to me, is regeneration and I definitely feel and fain Nerthus’ presence on Mothers’ Night during Yule.

    I don’t know if my words will help at all, because this is something each person has to work out for themselves. All I can say is continue to be faithful, get through the next few months, and She will be there for you on the other side, with open arms.

    Re the book, I think you did an awesome job, but then I’m biased. However, I went through a similar feeling when Visions of Vanaheim was completed, whatever that’s worth to you. Even with four books published and two more to be released later this month, I still go through this feeling of “What the eff am I doing? Why?” I can’t promise it gets any better with time, but writing is something we do with Them to keep Their memory alive in the world and help those who are called to Them, find the calling. Even when it feels like you did all that for nothing and it falls short of expectations, remember the end result is worth it even if we can’t see the full scope of the picture.

    That’s all I can really say, but as always, if you need me I am there for you.

    -Siggy


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